I’m afraid to eat anything that’s been in my fridge for over a few days so judging the “freshness” of pumped breast milk made me worry more than I should. I’m certain I threw out more than my share of good milk before I did my research.

As a general rule, breast milk will keep for:

Room temperature: 4-6 hours

Cooler with ice packs: 24 hours

Fridge: 3-8 days

Refrigerator Freezer: 3-6 months*

Deep Freeze: 6-12 months*

*once thawed use within 24 hours

Also some good breast milk storage tips include:

• Store breast milk in disposable freezer bags or collection bottles in two- to five-ounce portions.
• Liquid expands when frozen so leave a little extra space in your container.
• It’s normal for breast milk to vary in colour and consistency and for stored milk to separate into layers. Shake breast milk before serving to your baby.

We’ve heard that listening to Mozart can make your baby smarter, but there has been little research to back up these claims. Until now.

A study out of Northwestern University has linked music to improved language, speech, memory, attention and vocal emotion. Why? Learning music can enhance the brain’s ability to adapt and change. Also, neural connections made during musical training prime the brain for all other aspects of human communication. The study went so far as to say that the benefits of music on your brain are equivelent to the benefits of exercise on your body.

But if you want your child to have the true benefits of music, you’ll have to go beyond listening to a Raffi sing-a-long. To get the full benefits of music you need to encourage your child to sing and play an instrument of their own.

Simply put, children who are muscially trained are better at observing pitch changes in speech and have a better vocabulary and reading ability than children who did not receive music training.

Creativity is on the decline and, as parents, that should have us worried. A recent article published in Newsweek points out that while intelligence is on the rise, creativity has been steadily declining since 1990.

“With intelligence, there is a phenomenon called the Flynn effect—each generation, scores go up about 10 points. Enriched environments are making kids smarter. With creativity, a reverse trend has just been identified and is being reported for the first time here: American creativity scores are falling.”

The scores for creativity are particularly bad for children kindergarten through grade six.

Since the correlation to lifetime accomplishments and success is three times stronger between childhood creativity scores than with IQ we need to start addressing what’s making our children less inquisitive and less likely to come up with original answers.

You could blame the usual suspects like TV, computer, video games and poor schooling and you’d likely be correct–at least in part. We can’t ignore the fact that as electronics gain importance in our lives creativity declines. But it is up to parents to make sure their children are given a creative outlet early in life.

Creativity flourishes when parents encourage uniqueness while providing a stable and loving home environment. Help your children discover their potential and give them the confidence to explore it.

There have been so many studies lately linking children and TV time to everything from Attention Deficient Disorder to lack of brain development that I’m starting to feel guilty whenever I turn on the television set when my children are in same room.

Most recently a study published in the Pediatrics found that viewing television and playing video games are associated with increased subsequent attention problems in childhood. Will Disney now cause problems later?

I’ve always been of the opinion that moderation is the key.

Most public health officials, including the Canadian Pediatric Society recommend no screen time for children under two and a maximum of two hours for children two or older. While my 20-month-old does watch Dinosaur Train with his older brother, I am strict when it comes to the two hour a day rule and usually allow my children to watch much less. I also aim for days when the television set doesn’t go on.

Am I doing enough by avoiding extremes?

Results of the CAMH’s annual Ontario Student Drug Use and Health Survey found that hundreds of thousands of teens are spending at least seven hours a day in front of TV or a computer. As parents how do we best teach our children moderation now, to prevent excess later?

For me, the best I can do if offer my children is a wide range of stimulation most of the time, while occasionally allowing for some down time with a movie or tv show. Then, I can just hope that when they’re old enough to make choices on their own, they’ll be smart enough to want to balance reading and sports with chill out time.

It’s not easy being the mother of “that kid.” Being the parent of the child who whacks other kids in the playground can mean constant worry and heartbreak. Being the mother of “that kid” means holding your breath during playgroups and hoping your child doesn’t push or pinch an unsuspecting child–and apologizing profusely when he does.

Before you know it, you become known as the mother of “that kid.” You know other mothers are saying things like “Oh, that kid, I don’t want that kid playing at my house,” or “I don’t want my son playing with that kid.” Sometimes other mothers stop seeing your child and see only a “bad kid.” They forget he is little person, with feelings, that he is young and he is struggling. (If we’re honest, we have all thought this way about certain kids and often sit in detached judgment, blaming the parents.)

As a family therapist, I work with the parents of “those kids” all the time and so often see parents who are trying everything to help their children to behave. I see their frustration, fear and tears. These parents love their children deeply and it is so painful to know the rest of the world does not feel the same way. They are often doing everything they can, removing their child from the situation, trying rewards and consequences.

Many moms cry themselves to sleep with worry, guilt and shame, wondering why their child can’t be like the other children. Many of these parents have other children who are not like this at all, which adds to the bewilderment. I work with so many moms who tell me when they walk into school they can barely stand it because they know all the other moms are looking at them and talking about their child.

So if you are the mother of a kid like that, it’s best to be open and honest. Let the other mothers know you are aware of the problem and that you’re working on the issues. Keep play dates and play situations short and sweet and keep a close eye on your child without hovering. If your child does hurt another child, give them a time out or leave the park or play date and have your child draw a picture for the other child. If your child was rude to the other parent, have them write a note or draw a picture for that parent, as a way of saying sorry it can go a long way.

If you can help the other parents to see your child as a child who is trying and struggling and not as an aggressor, this can really help. You just have to try to keep your chin up and get through it. Eventually when the behaviour changes, the kids figure it out–and so do the moms.

Jennifer Kolari is a child and parent therapist, and founder of Connected Parenting. For more information you can contact jennifer at info@connectedparenting.com or visit www.connectedparenting.com.

As parents we often talk at our kids, telling them to stop doing something or to do something we want them to do. But we should be talking to them and not just correcting behavior or directing them all the time. The solution?

Try using different strategies, such as play, distraction, humour, games or contests to motivate your little one when it’s time to brush teeth or get ready for bed. Not everything has to be boring–it’s important to add a little fun sometimes! Here are some examples:

1.How to make hair-brushing less horrible:
Little girls with long hair can make hair-brushing seem like torture, crying and screaming “You’re hurting meeee! Stop it!” These daily fits can be so exhausting, it can sometimes seem better just to leave her hair looking like a bird’s nest. We often resort to angry threats that we’re going to take her to the hairdresser and have it cut short. What we need to do is stay neutral (and use a good de-tangler) along with imaginary play. You might, for example, ask your child to pretend she’s a princess and you are a friendly ogre, or a nice witch who has to brush her hair to undo a spell.

2. Ending bath-time battles:
For bathing or tooth-brushing, use superhero images to get your little boy to comply. Add some intrigue, imagination and excitement to the task, pretend the bathtub is a raft on a river or the shower is a waterfall in the rainforest. Be sure to choose a theme that’s fun and appealing for your child and make it a game. Using play will help change the behavior and create new habits so that, over time, you will no longer need to do it. In fact, you’ll be amazed how well this strategy can work. It’s also a nice way to connect with your child, and it may even be fun for you too!

Jennifer Kolari is a child and parent therapist, and founder of Connected Parenting. For more information you can contact jennifer at info@connectedparenting.com or visit www.connectedparenting.com.

I remember years ago when I worked as a family therapist at a children’s mental health center, my kids would come to visit occasionally and I would feel really stressed about how my clients would view me if my kids acted up. My supervisor had some very wise words for me, she said: “It’s not whether your kids will misbehave, because all kids will sometimes, it’s how you handle it when they do.”

That’s what people will notice. Those words stayed with me and have helped me through many situations. I have even chosen to talk about my own children and my own parenting experiences in my book. I thought it was important to share with parents that no child is perfect, and no parent is either. There are many moments when I think it’s hilarious that I’ve written a parenting book. When I’m impatient with my kids and losing my cool, when I ignore the voice in my head telling me to empathize and stay neutral.

I have great kids, but sometimes that everyday stuff (like my son taking forever to get out of bed, my teenage daughter having a fit because she has “nothing to wear,” or the bickering in the back seat of the car) can get to me like nails on a chalkboard. I can hear that voice in the back of my head telling me to use all the strategies I coach clients to use and even though they work incredibly well, there are still moments when I just can’t do what I know I should do in these situations.

As parents, we need to work towards doing the best we can, but we also have to be realistic. Families are wonderful and complicated. Siblings fight, kids melt down, some moments go well, and others just don’t. This is the stuff that life is made of and these are the very things we will miss one day when our children are grown up and gone.

Family relationships are dynamic and there will be moments when we bring out the absolute best in each other–and moments when we bring out the worst. Children need to learn to deal with other people’s emotions, and they need to know sometimes that they have hurt or upset others. All we can do as parents is work towards being loving and empathic, but firm and consistent, and the rest will take care of itself.

So when my son has trouble getting off the computer, my older daughter gets hysterical because her best pair of jeans is in the wash, and my six year old decides she wants to wear her dance costume to school, I just have to breathe and remind myself that we’re not perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect.

Jennifer Kolari is a child and parent therapist, and founder of Connected Parenting. For more information you can contact jennifer at info@connectedparenting.com or visit www.connectedparenting.com.

Why are the best sunscreens so hard to find. The Environmental Working Group (EWG) has just posted their 2010 report of the best beach and sport sunscreens. Unfortunately most of the brands are only found at niche natural store locations in large American cities. Want to buy your sunscreen at the local drug store?

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Water Resistant SPF 15 and La Roche-Posay Anthelios 40 Sunscreen Cream score top marks. And-surprise-Coppertone makes the list with three different sun screens: Sport Sunblock Lotion SPF 15, Oil-free Sunscreen lotion SPF 15 and ULTRAGOARD Sunscreen lotion.

Click here to see the full list.

One of the hardest things to cope with as a parent is anxious separations. Seeing those big eyes begging you not to leave and trying to pull away as your child clings desperately to your leg is often more stressful for the mother than for the child.

Here are two common mistakes parents make when dealing with separation anxiety:

1. Many parents don’t tell their child they’re going to be leaving until the moment arrives.

But the longer your child has to get used to the idea, the better she’ll be able to handle the situation when it actually happens. The problem with the “sneak out” is that the general feeling of anxiety in your child can rise because now she’s worried that at any moment, without warning, Mommy could leave. This can also extend to worrying that you won’t come back when you walk out of the room, or if you are out of sight for a few moments.

2. The other mistake parents often make is drawing out the act of leaving.

If your child is upset or crying, the worst thing you can do is to hold on to her, stay there and try to soothe her. At that point, you’re no longer capable of soothing her because you’re the reason she’s crying. The longer you stay, the longer she suffers and the faster you leave, the faster she can get over it. (And the longer you stay, the more you are confirming that this really is a terrible thing that is happening.)

Here’s what to do instead:

1. Empathy first
The more you try to talk your child out of what she is feeling, the more invested she will become in proving to you how upsetting it is. In other words, her behavior and anxiety will escalate. What you need to do instead is make a few empathic statements first. I call this the CALM technique. Try saying things like, “ You just want to be with Mommy, you love me and it’s so hard to see me go.” Children will relax to some degree because they know their feelings are understood.

2. Give messages of competence
Try saying something like, “Sweetie, you’re going to be just fine. I wouldn’t leave you anywhere I wasn’t sure you’d be safe and fine.” Or, “You can do this, I know you can because you did it yesterday and you will feel like playing in a few minutes.” Then give her a hug and a kiss and walk away—and don’t go back, no matter how tempted you may be!

When you return a few hours later or at the end of the day, don’t make a big deal of that either. If you overdo the reunion, you may be reinforcing that it was an awful thing that you both went through. A warm hug and casual statement like, “I missed you” and “I knew you could do it” will suffice.

3. Give them lots of notice and plan your exit
Make your comings and goings as predictable as possible for your child. Give her fair warning so that she has time to get used to the idea and when you do leave, don’t make a big deal of it. By telling her in advance that you’re leaving, you’re giving her that message of competence, letting her know that you believe she is capable of handling the information.

4. Practice leaving and coming back
If your child really struggles with separation, you can try leaving for a short period of time, or leaving the room (with a sitter of course) for awhile, but don’t leave the house. From there, you can extend the amount of time you leave and go from leaving for a short period of time—perhaps a half hour—until your child both knows the sitter and has gotten used to the idea that when you leave, you do come back.

Remember, for many children this is a stage and as they get a little older and accumulate more experiences of your comings and goings, they will be fine and the stronger for it.

Jennifer Kolari is a child and parent therapist, and founder of Connected Parenting. For more information you can contact jennifer at info@connectedparenting.com or visit www.connectedparenting.com.

There has been a recent recall on a number of Infant and Children’s Motrin and Tylenol products. If you live in Canada and have purchased any of the products listed below you should stop using them and contact McNeil Consumer Healthcare (Canada) at 1-888-222-6036 for more information. You can also log onto jnjcanada.com for more information.

RECALLED PRODUCTS INCLUDE:

PRODUCT NAME                                                                             DIN

Infant’s MOTRIN* Suspension Drops Dye‐Free 30ml                        02238626

Infant’s MOTRIN* Suspension Drops Dye‐Free 15ml                        02238626

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension Dye‐Free 120ml                             02242365

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension 120ml                                            02242365

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension Grape 120ml                                  02242365

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension Grape 30ml                                    02242365

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension Bubblegum 120ml                          02242365

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension Tropical Punch 120ml                    02242365

Infant’s MOTRIN* Suspension for Fever due to Colds/Flu 30ml        02238626

Children’s MOTRIN* Suspension for Fever due to Colds/Flu 120ml  02242365

Children’s TYLENOL* Cough & Runny Nose Suspension 100ml        02292122