For those of you who don’t know, I have a four-year-old, two-year-old and a newborn (3 months). My morning has been almost movie-like so far so I had so share a small part of it.

Just after breakfast and still sitting around the kitchen table, my two-year-old Beckett told me he had to poo (we’re just starting potty training). Stella (the newborn) was on my lap and my oldest son Bode was playing with her. Always the multi-tasker I started to take off Beckett’s pants to “save time” before I put Stella down to take him to the washroom. As I leaned over, Bode leaned into Stella’s tummy (she’d just eaten), making her projectile all over me and Bode. Bode was so grossed out he immediately started gagging and threw up his breakfast all over the floor. Beckett couldn’t wait any longer to go to the washroom and proceeded to poo every where. If it wasn’t so funny I may have cried.

Three showers and a bath later my sons are playing in the basement and Stella is asleep on my lap.

If you asked me to choose between my kids and my husband, I’d tell you it would be impossible. I’m a egalitarian when it comes to my family. But sometimes my actions speak louder than my words.

When my four-year-old crawls into bed in the middle of the night, it’s daddy he pushes to the side. When my two-year-old jumps up and down when my husband is trying to tell me about his day, my attention always strays to youth. The hungry newborn? She wins every time. Although my heart says one thing, my actions often say another.

A few nights ago a girlfriend told me it’s (referring to life with preschoolers) a bad time for relationships. Sadly, I have to agree and wonder, when will it be a “good” time again?

According to a recent study by the Pew Research Center, parenthood trumps marriage for most of the population. Am I a dreamer to believer one doesn’t have to trump the other and I can one day divid my attention equally?